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December 31, 2002 - 7:13 PM
Blandman Essay Contest #4
Blandman Essay Contest #4
Before I continue with the Why I Don't Live in NYC series, I have an announcement. Blandman is back updating his diary after a long hiatus. He is currently sponsoring a contest, an essay contest. I think you should all enter this contest, I know I am. In fact I am going to enter it today. I think you should all enter the contest for a number of reasons:
1) A chance to show off your creative writing.
2) If many people enter his contest, then it will show him how much love there is at Diaryland.
3) You get to be a judge if you enter.
4) A prize from Archie McPhee can't be beat.
5) If you love me, you'll do this.
So, please go and read the contest specifics and enter. You'll be glad you did. My entry follows.
Blandman Essay Contest #4: Things I would like to see someone eat but I would NEVER eat
I know what you all are thinking. You are thinking, "She's gonna say something about poo," but you're wrong. Man, all you people think I'm dirty! I'm not going to say anything about poo nor about any other bodily fluids or excrement. But that doesn't mean I won't mention other parts of the body.
Correct me if I am wrong but an eyeball is not a fluid or excrement. I would like to see someone eat a human eyeball.
It would be important that they put the whole eyeball in their mouth intact, no slicing it up into little unidentifiable pieces. That way they could sort of play with it and do that trite little eyeball-in-the-mouth surrealist thing that uncreative "artists" are always drawing or photoshopping,
like this:
in an effort to do something "unique". And then we'd all laugh like it was funny.
I'd like to get up close to them when they chew on it so I could hear the squishy noises. Hopefully there'd be a popping noise when it is bitten down upon like a cherry tomato. While or after the person was chewing, they could explain the taste and texture of an eyeball. Does it taste like chicken? How interesting!
I'm sure someone in this world has eaten an eyeball before but I just haven't seen it. That makes me sad and to a lesser degree angry.
You're probably wondering why I wouldn't eat a human eyeball myself. Well that's simple – I'm a vegetarian!
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