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February 2002
New Jersey
November 2002
Adirondacks, NY
December 2002
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May 28, 2002 - 10:57 AM
Open Letter to Fred & Laura
Open Letter to Fred & Laura
Hi,
This is The Ghost of Bitchelicious contacting you from "beyond". I just wanted you to know that when Blandman & I left your house, we got into a terrible car accident. Luckily we survived. Unfortunately, the people in the other car were gang members and they were very pissed that we had hit their BMW. We fled for our lives. They were shooting at us but luckily, we lost them somewhere near Stratford. Unfortunately, while we were speeding to get away from the gang we lost control of the car and went through the window of a McDonalds. Luckily our collision was cushioned by all the fluffy buns we landed on. Unfortunately, we also started a grease fire in the McDonalds. Luckily we were able to get out of the building with minor burns. Unfortunately, we had to hitchhike home. We were picked up by a guy in a Chrysler LeBaron who called himself "Crispin". We asked "Crispin" to drive us to Cinnaminson, but he ended up driving us into an industrial section of Glouscester City. Unfortunately he pulled a knife on us. Luckily, we kicked him in the head and stole his car. We got all the way to Pennsauken but unfortunately we got a flat tire. There was no spare. Since we were not that far from home, we decided to walk the rest of the way. Unfortunately while crossing rt. 130 we were almost squashed by a car that ran a light. Luckily we were just grazed by the rearview mirror. We stopped at a Wawa in Palmyra to get a drink. Luckily we were able to get some water. Unfortunately, the water tasted like some sort of chemicals. It made us vomit. Eventually we stumbled into our own yard. We were very happy to be home. The cats were very happy to see us. Unfortunately, on the way up the steps, Blandman tripped over a happy cat and fell. He cracked his head on the bottom step and had a brain hemorrhage and died. I ran to the phone to call help and another happy cat tripped me. I fell headfirst into a wall. My skull crashing through the plaster. I too had a brain hemorrhage and died. I think our bodies are probably still at the house, rotting away, being nibbled on by the cats. It's very hot where I am now, but they have really fast internet connections. I haven't seen Blandman since we died. I wonder where he is? So, I just wanted to let you know that after we left you, we got home OK, but didn't survive the night anyway. Hope to hear from you soon.
-The Ghost of Bitchelicious
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